Last night in India - Shine on, October 29, 2008

It’s my last night in India and she’s sending me out with a bang (several million in fact). It’s Diwali (Deepavali as it’s known in the south). The festival of lights. It should be more aptly named the festival of sounds. I’ve never been in a war zone, but can’t imagine it’s any more noisy than Diwali in India. Three days of progressively frequent (and now constant and I do mean constant) fireworks. Not only fireworks as in the traditional 4th of July sense but also a lot of very loud cherry bomb type explosions. This goes on day and night (especially night) for 3 days straight. Every family participates so it’s all around you! It’s incredible and can be incredibly frustrating if you let it. But I haven’t let it be (a slight miracle for me who’s super sensitive to sound). I’m taking the advice of a very good friend and living “as if”. Living as if everything is perfect and just as it should be. It’s very freeing and potentially one of the best take aways of the many take aways from my 4 months here. Definitely something to play with.

The same friend gave me some great advice today about love. Loving others full out and loving them completely. So completely that that might mean accepting that you’ll never be together in a traditional romantic sense: it’s not your time, it’s not your destiny. So completely that you see them as they really are and not through rose colored glasses. Knowing that they and it are exactly the way they / it should be and not shutting yourself down for any reason. Playing full out all of the time...in love. Wow! Scary! But why not? Why not take chances, why not just love? If I can do this, if I can allow myself to love this freely and not get hurt or upset if / when it’s not returned can you imagine the quality of my life? Unbelievable.

The final piece of advice that my friend gave me (other than to grow my hair...but that’s another story) is that I have an inner strength that I’m just now becoming aware of. He called it my light today. He told me to continue to let my light shine and shine brightly as I go back to the real world. He actually said this to me the first time we spent any significant time together during that magical night of elephants, fairy lights and gold medal winners at the palace. It was nice to hear him say it again after many hours together and many very intense conversations.

Friends like he are rare and precious. We say we’ll keep in touch and I really hope we do. I think I’ve added to his life as he’s added to mine. But even if we don’t I hope he knows how he’s touched my heart and my soul. One of those magical Mysore moments.

Other than dodging Diwali fireworks my last week has been pretty amazing. My practice is in the best shape it’s ever been in. I said goodbye to Sharath, Saraswati and Guruji today and Sharath made it clear that the next time he sees me I need to be dropping back by myself. Tomorrow maybe?

I’ve spent my last week doing some last minute shopping (this is the dress I had made from the saree),
dental appointments (I got a cleaning for $6 US) and as much rest as I can possibly get in the form of a couple of long lazy pool days and a wonderful day at the river today with Irish Andrew.


He drove my bike so I got to gaze out at the rice paddies and cane fields of old India one last time from the back of my scooter.

Last night was my final Kirtan with Mike for this trip. We were invited to a Kali puja by Auntie Ji (the home bound music teacher at who’s house we’ve been doing Friday night Kirtans) and her friend. Apparently Bengali’s don’t recognise Diwali (although in the typical Hindu tradition of borrowing from other religions and sects they are more than happy to celebrate). Instead they worship Kali during this time. The puja was supposed to start at 8 but of course did not actually start until 10:30 - PM. It was supposed to go all night. We set up and did a Kirtan though while they were decorating Kali and getting ready. Beautiful and touching. Especially when Mike did the Ma chant he wrote himself. Of course this was all preceded by the usual rickshaw and scooter caravan that typifies a group event in Gokulam. Thanks so much Mike for holding the Bhakti space in Gokulam and letting me re-experience something I love so much. See full photoset here (lots of great colours).


Tonight was Cat’s last night and she, Roddy, Kyle (Keelay!) and Richard put on a concert for half of Gokulam on Arne’s roof. Most of the songs one or all had written themselves and they were beautiful. They had to compete with the Diwali fireworks but at the end of the concert we had our own to display.



So, the end is here. I’m really leaving. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to start my new life. I’m ready to get back to the real world. I so hope that I can take these experiences with me and incorporate them into my real life. I know that some will fall away as I fall into old patterns. But like muscles after not practicing for awhile, emotions have memories and I can access the lessons and my new found strength again, even if I do lose it momentarily. It’s all a journey.

I do know that I’ve made even more great friends whom I will keep close to my heart. I truly have friends all over the world and am so blessed to be supported by two great communities; Tony Robbins people and Ashtangis. A girl couldn’t ask for more.

So I go back into the world with my new motto...Shine On.